Empathy: A Foreign Word In Health Care?
Tuesday, July 14th, 2009I haven’t posted in a while largely due to family health emergency. We learned a few months ago that one of our family members had Stage IV Small Cell Lung Cancer that metastasized to the liver and brain. We also found out he had two brain tumors.
This information was a lot to take in, especially since he entered the emergency room for mild confusion and dizziness. Up to a few weeks before this awful news, he was out golfing and mowing the yard on a regular basis.
I still remember that day vividly, when the ER doctor walked in and abruptly told us that he had Stage IV Cancer and he had only a few months to live. Not only did it catch us all off guard, there was no warmth or sentiment there. It was just cold hard facts. Even for me, someone who works in health care, I was stunned by how matter of fact this physician was with us. If I hadn’t been involved in the conversation I would have thought he was diagnosing a common cold or some other minor illness.
Shortly thereafter the physician referred us to a radiologist that met with this family member and his wife, who began the treatment process. Later the wife called and told me that she had a horrible experience. Supposedly, while her husband was working with the nurse, she had a candid discussion with the radiologist who admitted that there was a slim chance of recovery. This of course we already knew. However, he went on to say “you should be happy, because he has lived a long life.”
I was stunned when I heard this. Telling her that she should be “happy” that her husband has lived this long doesn’t make it any easier. In fact it came across that the radiologist wouldn’t be try as hard because of his age. Since cancer is more or less “expected” at the age of 85.
In the end, the cancer won over within less than three weeks from diagnosis. This period was emotionally draining on us all, especially the rapid decline. My very dear family member who was diagnosed with this dreadful disease had always been the rock of the family. But when the ER doctor came in that first horrific day and gave us the shocking news, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.
I sometimes wonder if the situation could have been better if his doctor had been more empathetic. Maybe not…I don’t know. However, I do feel that more attention should be given to a patient and family when delivering such a significant blow. Because I can attest, he was never the same after he heard those few abrupt words.
On a more personal note, I would like to share that this family member was my Father, who is and always will be deeply missed.



