This information was a lot to take in, especially since he entered the emergency room for mild confusion and dizziness. Up to a few weeks before this awful news, he was out golfing and mowing the yard on a regular basis.

I still remember that day vividly, when the ER doctor walked in and abruptly told us that he had Stage IV Cancer and he had only a few months to live. Not only did it catch us all off guard, there was no warmth or sentiment there. It was just cold hard facts. Even for me, someone who works in health care, I was stunned by how matter of fact this physician was with us. If I hadn’t been involved in the conversation I would have thought he was diagnosing a common cold or some other minor illness.

Shortly thereafter the physician referred us to a radiologist that met with this family member and his wife, who began the treatment process. Later the wife called and told me that she had a horrible experience. Supposedly, while her husband was working with the nurse, she had a candid discussion with the radiologist who admitted that there was a slim chance of recovery. This of course we already knew. However, he went on to say “you should be happy, because he has lived a long life.”

I was stunned when I heard this. Telling her that she should be “happy” that her husband has lived this long doesn’t make it any easier. In fact it came across that the radiologist wouldn’t be try as hard because of his age. Since cancer is more or less “expected” at the age of 85.

In the end, the cancer won over within less than three weeks from diagnosis. This period was emotionally draining on us all, especially the rapid decline. My very dear family member who was diagnosed with this dreadful disease had always been the rock of the family. But when the ER doctor came in that first horrific day and gave us the shocking news, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

I sometimes wonder if the situation could have been better if his doctor had been more empathetic. Maybe not…I don’t know. However, I do feel that more attention should be given to a patient and family when delivering such a significant blow. Because I can attest, he was never the same after he heard those few abrupt words.

On a more personal note, I would like to share that this family member was my Father, who is and always will be deeply missed.

After a long day, some nights I come home practically comatose to the world. On these occasions, there are times when my husband may start a conversation. Suddenly, midway through I realized I only caught parts of what he was trying to tell me. Some people may call this typical to married life. Ha. Anyway, this got me thinking about how often this happens everyday….to many people. It reminds me how valuable a person who truly listens.

When I was a Masters in Social Work Intern in Austin, Texas, I had my own clients assigned within a couple of nursing homes. A lot of time was spent with each one of my clients, since I didn’t have other work related obligations. As a result, I knew their intimate frustrations, worries and fears, and was able to better assist them with this knowledge.

Some of my clients had no family, or if they did, they were rarely in contact. Often after having an hour session, they would want to continue longer. These individuals were by far the most likely to develop signs and symptoms of depression. However, it was noticeable by their reaction that having someone that would listen, meant the world.

Nursing home staff, family and friends of nursing home residents, also have hectic lives. Often it may inhibit them from being able to slow down long enough not to miss every other word of a story. It’s extremely hard to always be an active listener. For me, it is a work in progress….but, an effort that’s truly worth making.

– “Dad keeps forgetting how to act in public. The other day he started to take off his clothes in the grocery store. What can I do to stop him?”

– “I am completely exhausted from caring for my wife. The moment I take a break, she is headed for the front door, or attempts to use the stove or other unsafe appliances. How do I keep her safe?”

These are just a couple of examples. A caregiver of these individuals has a lot of responsibility which can often lead to stress, and sometimes burnout. Just in Marion County it has been estimated that 11,455 persons have been diagnosed or show signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia.

Marion county has been very fortunate in the last year. A new not-for-profit organization began that specializes in this field. It is called The Alzheimer’s & Dementia Alliance Education & Support Inc. (www.adaesinc.org), led by Terrie Hardison of Ocala, Florida.

The purpose of this organization is to bring knowledge and hope to caregivers, the community at large and professionals through education and support. As a volunteer for this organization, I have seen many benefit from their services.

In a way, Marion County should thank the Alzheimer’s Association for the origin of this new organization. Prior to the Memory Walk of 2007, Terrie Haridson ran the local headquarters for the Alzheimer’s Association in Ocala. Unfortunately, after the county raised significant funds for the Memory Walk, it was canceled due to rain. Following this event the local Alzheimer’s Association office was abruptly shut down.

Soon after Terrie Hardison began the Alzheimer’s & Dementia Alliance for Education & Support (ADAES). This organization now gives a voice to local caregivers. While the Alzheimer’s Association continues to remain a national figure for Alzheimer’s research, I would recommend to local caregivers and those interested in volunteering to catch a course offered by ADAES. You won’t regret it.

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To qualify for this program a veteran must have had 90 days or more of active duty, only one day of which was during wartime. It is not necessary that they saw combat. They must not have had a dishonorable discharge.

In addition, the veteran or spouse must be determined to be “permanently and totally disabled.” This includes but no limited to: trouble dressing/undressing him or herself, blindness, and mental or physical incapacity.

The veteran or spouse does not need to be house bound or considered helpless. You just have to prove the person is in need of aid and attendance on a regular basis. The V.A. will generally accept a letter from a physician, which should state that the person has an incapacity that requires care or assistance on a regular basis to live safely at home.

There is a net worth requirement for this program. This is something the V.A. could assist you with since it changes on a routine basis. The last known net worth cutoff was $80,000, not including your home.

In addition to the net worth requirement, there is also an income requirement. The veteran’s countable income should not exceed the maximum annual pension rate which is currently $1,673 (adjusted periodically), or $869.00 per month for the spouse. However, some items may be deducted from income in order to meet this criteria. For example: doctor and dental visits, co-payments, medical supplies, therapy, transportation to the doctor, ect.

It can take up to ninety days to receive approval. However, once approved payments are made retroactively from the first month after the month that you apply. So, funds you previously spent on home care may be reimbursed to you when the V.A. aid and attendants coverage starts.

This information was provided by Interim Healthcare Private Services (Ocala, Florida), which provides quality home care to veterans and others needing assistance. To view their website, click on the link: www.interimhealthcare.com

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